When visiting Rotorua before, I happened upon one of the finest establishments I have ever visited. A water park which utilised the area's thermal riches to provide a selection of hydroslides that ran on warm water. I visited on a pretty hot day, but it was still clear to me that you could slide all day, any day, with these. No breeze could give you a chill that would not be soothed the moment you were re-immersed in the cool bath-like temperatures. If it only had an escalator instead of slippery steep steps, it would truly be a wonder of the modern world.
Having found this place simply by spotting its tubes as I drove past, glaring at me like a primary coloured Pompidou, I assumed that Rotorua would be filled with facilities that combined gravity with the power of volcanoes to give me a thrill that excited but never shocked. Little did I know. Roto-vegas, as it has become (not entirely affectionately) nicknamed, has an abundance of Spa pools featuring the warm water, and a cosmos of zorbs, luges, and even agro-cycles for the thrills but the only water park was the one that I now find closed.
Closed for that most lame of reasons, safety. There is still a couple of feet of water in the landing pool, but I doubt that it is still warm. The only patrons now are the dinosaurs. Look closely at the photo. They are there. They used to be the stars what was probably the only reason anyone ever towelled off and put their clothes back on: The Prehistoric mini-golf course next door. Also now out of business.
I have to sign off now. The tears are welling up again. I will try to find some hope in this dark, dry time. Perhaps I will gain solace in the QEII slides at Christchurch. They boast the Colossus; 105 metres, completely dark inside. As well as the Body Bullet, The Cruiser, Titan and the Terror Tube.
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